Muarry Bowen had 3 Commandments:
1} Don’t defend
2} Don’t blame
3} Stay connected
Defending oneself puts the burden on you. It can be a trap. Think to yourself is this complaint valid? Is the person making the complaint credible? Take any guidance offered under advisement . You don’t have to defend yourself even when all the cards have been played. Defensiveness really achieves no end and one spends a great deal of energy that could be used elsewhere. What can be learned in this situation as it enfolds?
Don’t blame- We don’t have the full picture . Information is always incomplete. Seeking to understand where the other is coming from helps provide clarity. When a fuller picture emerges one can discover that we are more alike than different. We all have the same dreams and hopes. We all love and have been loved or at least we desire to be loved.
Stay connected. We are all social animals. At times cutoff occurs between individuals. Think about the source of this cut off. Remain in contact with those you care about and those in your family of origin. Think about where you are with any given person. Staying doesn’t mean allowing ourselves to be knotted into triangles where one puts us in the middle of a struggle. Person A needs to talk to Person B directly without putting you in the middle.
These lessons show up in many situations of life and relationships. Be true to yourself. Be a solid self who knows who you are and what you are about
